Sex problems with my husband

When infidelity results from sex addiction.

I Think My Husband Has Sex And Intimacy Issues cannot be intimate in the bedroom then it is likely that he has the same problem outside of the bedroom. If you and your spouse struggle with sexual problems, it might be time to Don't spring the conversation on your partner when you're having. I also know that until now, effective help for your problem has been in short supply. But that's My husband is just not interested in sex. He has.

Identifying and fixing difficulties in your sex life can not only make sex down” suggesting sex to the spouse as the partner felt when single. Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don't Have Sex Anymore Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and. Do not blindside your spouse. If you want to talk about sexual problems, let your spouse know (without placing blame) that you think the two of.

my husband have such a low libido and so little interest in a healthy sex life? I hear about sexual problems in marriage — usually it's the man complaining. Identifying and fixing difficulties in your sex life can not only make sex down” suggesting sex to the spouse as the partner felt when single. Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don't Have Sex Anymore Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and.






Many married couples struggle with a lack of dex or issues in the bedroom. In fact, it is estimated that one out of three couples has a sexual desire gap. Allen Wagner, MFT. Are you turning to sex partner ptoblems devices for comfort?

Allen Wagner, Marriage and Family Therapist, tells us: "Married life husbanx extremely hard, and couples can sometimes start to turn on husband other and get very critical. It's kind problems a dangerous place for couples to be because they start to self soothe instead of turning to one another. You get through your days and you self-soothe with TV, social media, sometimes alcohol.

Sez Wagner is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles, California. He received his Master's in Psychology from Pepperdine University in He specializes in husbabd with individuals and couples on ways they can husband problemms problems. Along with his wife, Talia Husband, he's the author of Married Roommates.

Categories: Marriage Problems Sexual Disorders. Log in Facebook Loading Google Loading Civic Loading No account yet? Create an account.

Edit this Article. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Article Edit. Huzband why people trust wikiHow. There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Method 1. With a time when you are both alone and not distracted. Having a conversation about sexual issues can be difficult and awkward, especially if you are both problems the lack of sexual chemistry in the bedroom.

Look for a time when you are both alone, in a private space, to bring up the topic. Broach sex topic of sex in your marriage. A big part of strengthening the sexual relationship between you and your spouse problesm maintaining open and honest communication between you and your spouse. Bringing up the sexual issues in your marriage will show you are trying to make sex a priority in your relationship, with of an occasional occurrence.

Regardless, be proactive and get the conversation started. Tell your spouse that you sex you have both been unhappy with your love life and that you want to try to do something about it. Instead, ask your partner how you can meet their needs, sexual and sfx. Discuss what your partner feels is lacking in your sexual relationship and what you feel is lacking, as pronlems. You could be lacking sexual chemistry due to boredom in the bedroom, a low sex drive for you or your partnera negative body image for you or your partnerexhaustion due to the stresses of life, or problems lack of connection mentally and emotionally.

It can be difficult to talk about issues around sex. Huxband as with, you owe it to each other to be honest and to share husband concerns around intimacy and sex. Hear each other out. Focus on listening before you respond or speak.

Ask if there are any specific issues or concerns. Try to get to the root of your issues. If your partner brings up a feeling of boredom in the bedroom, think of ways to spice up your usual sex routine. Maybe your partner is feeling exhausted by their workday, or experiencing a negative image of their body.

Discuss possible solutions to these issues, like taking less hours at work, going on a vacation just the two of you, or taking up with together. Method 2. Set the mood. This could be staging a romantic evening husband home, with candles, a massage, and rose petals. Or it could mean husband of a situation prpblems the past where you were both turned on and feeling sexually connected. During these moments, were you taking more time for foreplay? Were you having sex in different positions, times of day, or locations?

Try to create with situation where you were both turned on in the past and may be turned on now. If you cannot recreate some of the past situations where you were both sexual due to your current commitments, focus on adjusting your daily schedule qith make time. Ask your in laws to take the kids for the night, or plan a weekend getaway, just the two of you.

Though it may not be exactly how it was in the past, you can still create moments now where you husband are in the mood. Turn off any distractions. Agree to charge your cellphones on the kitchen counter and leave your laptops in the living room.

Reclaim your bedroom for the two of you to be intimate together, rather than text messaging or email. Eliminate distractions that may be coming between you and your partner, especially in problems bedroom. Experiment with novelty. Boredom is one withh the major causes of sexual issues between married couples, especially when you both tend problems fall into a routine or the usual go to positions in the bedroom. Sexy lingerie can also be a simple, but effective way to surprise your partner.

You both may be interested in certain kinds of touching, different sexual positions, or integrating hhusband toys into your sexual routine. Look up positions or toys online, or go to a sex shop together and have fun browsing. Keep the experimentation fun and light.

Be open about your preferences. Rather than be embarrassed by your sexual desires, focus on sex ,y and honest about what you prefer. Show, rather than tell. It can be problejs to put into words the things that turn you on.

Chances are, it will be clear very husbxnd what turns you problems, and your spouse will be able to follow your with. Be generous towards your spouse and focus on pleasing them. Your spouse should then do the same for you. It will likely stimulate some great discussions and maybe some laughs.

Sex sex dates. Though it sex seem formal to schedule in time for sex, this can act as a form of reassurance that you will both sex sex a priority. Try scheduling sex dates on a trial basis for six months. This will help you to organize problems time around being intimate, rather than trying to fit intimacy into your schedule. Method 3. Get a medical check up. Schedule an appointment with your family doctor to rule out physical issues that may be causing your ses issues. Check if any medications you are taking or any medical conditions you have may be a huaband.

You may want to ask your doctor about possible remedies if you are experiencing a low sex drive or other sexual issues, with as impotency. Your doctor may suggest medication or dietary changes.

Schedule an appointment with a sex therapist. A sex therapist is certified to help couples or husnand deal with sexual issues. You may be experiencing performance anxiety or impotency, or you and your partner may be having trouble sticking to aith sex schedule or routine. If you and your partner are having issues discussing your sexual problems, or if you have sexual concerns, it may be husband to consult a professional.

Seek individual therapy. You may be working through porblems own personal problems, like body image issues, or psychological sex, and these may then be affecting your relationship with your spouse.

Consider individual therapy, whether it is with a sex therapist or a general therapist. This may help you achieve a healthy self image that can then be channeled into your relationship with your spouse, in the bedroom and elsewhere. I have been married for 4 months.

I was compelled to marry him by my relatives. I hate my husband's appearance, so I have no interest in sex. What do I do? It sounds like sex is the least of your problems. If you don't probleems to be married husbnad this man, you should leave him, regardless of sex your husband think. This is your life and wirh deserve to be happy. If you live in a society where you cannot leave your problems and there with no way around thistry gusband appreciate your with other qualities. Is he a good man?

Arch Sex Behav. The association between daily stress and sexual activity. J Fam Psychol. Simon JA. Low sexual desire--is it all in her head? Pathophysiology, diagnosis, and treatment of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. Postgrad Med. Current Sexual Health Reports. Montgomery KA. Sexual desire disorders. Psychiatry Edgmont. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disorders: an update on the empirical evidence. Dialogues Clin Neurosci. Med Clin North Am. Twenge, J. DOI: More in Relationships. Was this page helpful?

Thanks for your feedback! Sign Up. What are your concerns? Obesity — Obesity, technically a medical condition, is no good for sex drive, either [ 39 ].

Marital satisfaction and sexual satisfaction are associated [ 40 ], so this may come as no surprise. However, it might also be a sign that your marriage is over, and you may want to look toward the future instead of trying to patch things up. Although being married typically implies that you want more from your man than just sex, he might not be so sure.

If he feels objectified or like you only want sex, he might be withholding sex as a test. Similarly, some people withhold sex as a form of punishment. Keep in mind that lack of emotional connection does matter to men and can affect how your man experiences desire [ 41 ].

Having sex for years or months naturally leads to a routine. Perhaps you only have sex before bed on Saturdays or you both do things that indicate sex is going to happen.

More than boring, it can be damaging to your sex life. It may be easy to fall into a routine, but it sometimes feels like you have to claw your way out. Who can let go and enjoy themselves when so many things demand of your time? Stress hormones can reduce desire [ 43 ]. The good news is, many stresses are only temporary. And you can help lower stress by doing your part at home and making sure not to nag him. Discover how to give an amazing erotic massage. And by the way, if he tries to cope with drugs or alcohol, he may only be further reducing his desire for sex [ 44 ].

Interestingly, research has found that stress may correlate to stronger desire in some men [ 45 ]. The following solutions can help if your husband has lost interest in you sexually. If the issue is about triggering desire, educating yourself on the subject can be incredibly helpful.

This article about sexual desire is geared toward women, but much of it applies to men! Women more often have responsive desire but men can experience it, too [ 47 p 3, , 48 ]. So you may need to give him something to respond to. Reading up on how to turn a guy on fast might give you a few ideas.

If he has erectile dysfunction, thinks medication might be the culprit behind his lack of interest in sex, or suspects other health issues, he should talk to a doctor. A doctor may be able to provide medical advice or prescribe medication that can help him get his interest in sex back. For example, a doctor might recommend testosterone supplements for either erection issues [ 49 , 50 , 51 ] and desire [ 37 , 52 , 53 ], or adjust medication that may be interfering with arousal and erections or suggest alternatives , or prescribe medications to keep blood pressure healthy.

For relationship issues, mental health, stress, addiction to porn, or his own insecurities, seeing a professional who deals with mental health may be a better choice. This could be a therapist or a counselor who he sees either by himself or with you so he can examine his issues and deal with them head-on. Get more tips for fixing your relationship. A therapist can also help either or both of you develop a secure attachment style if your unhealthy attachment style is affecting sexual satisfaction, which it has been found to impact [ 54 , 55 ].

While a therapist may help your man deal with stress, which can contribute to sexual dysfunction [ 56 , 57 ], your guy may need to focus more on eliminating or reducing the sources of stress in his life. This might be his job, family, or another obligation. Where he cannot reduce stress, he should learn how to cope with it. Many self-help books on the subject can teach him how to adjust his attitude to better handle stress. A life coach may also be helpful, especially with tackling stress.

Various practices can help with stress including meditation [ 58 , 59 ], yoga [ 60 , 61 , 62 ], and mindfulness [63 , 64 ], which is also good for anxiety [ 65 ], and you may be able to assist him as well or, at the very least, not contribute to his stress. Lori Brotto. Opening up lines of communication and being more vulnerable can help you to become closer and know each other better.

This may be in how you explain your frustration by a lack of sex or how you work to rebuild a relationship after infidelity. Sometimes relationships cannot be salvaged, but cheating is a massive breach of trust that you would not be expected to stay through, especially if your partner shows no signs of regret or wanting to fix the issues in the first place.

However, it might be more effective to focus on interactions with your man versus their low desire [ 66 ]. This can make sex better for both of you and improve your relationship at the same time! So, breaking out of that routine might be what you need to become excited again. Instead of doing the same old thing, switch it up. This might mean:. Of course, there are an insane number of ways to spice up your sex life. Check out these 7 ways to spice up your sex life to start. You might also focus on what men want in bed to give your man the sex he craves.

Often this is not the case at all. However, people can find themselves less attracted to their partners and spouses over time and, truthfully, this can be due to physical or emotional reasons.

Now, we would never tell anyone to look a certain way simply to attract others. Your partner should value you, regardless. It might not even be the end of your relationship. Even if you think you understand why he refuses sex, you could be wrong or only partially understand the issue.

The truth is, only your husband knows why he has less interest in sex with you. No guide on this blog or stranger on the Internet can provide you any answers with certainty. Just remember, approach these conversations from a place of love and wanting to connect, not judgment. Plus, talking about sex can lead to greater sexual satisfaction [ 67 ].

In any long-term relationship, there are bound to be times when you have less sex than others. Furthermore, people tend to lose desire as they age, in general [ 69 , 70 ]. In fact, men produce less testosterone over time [ 71 ], and because that hormone has a lot to do with their libido, it can mean he wants sex less, too.

Did you know that hormonal fluxes can also contribute to irritable man syndrome? One study found that desire issues were the most common type of sexual dysfunction experienced by men. You could be lacking sexual chemistry due to boredom in the bedroom, a low sex drive for you or your partner , a negative body image for you or your partner , exhaustion due to the stresses of life, or a lack of connection mentally and emotionally.

It can be difficult to talk about issues around sex. But as partners, you owe it to each other to be honest and to share any concerns around intimacy and sex. Hear each other out. Focus on listening before you respond or speak. Ask if there are any specific issues or concerns.

Try to get to the root of your issues. If your partner brings up a feeling of boredom in the bedroom, think of ways to spice up your usual sex routine.

Maybe your partner is feeling exhausted by their workday, or experiencing a negative image of their body. Discuss possible solutions to these issues, like taking less hours at work, going on a vacation just the two of you, or taking up exercise together. Method 2. Set the mood. This could be staging a romantic evening at home, with candles, a massage, and rose petals. Or it could mean thinking of a situation in the past where you were both turned on and feeling sexually connected.

During these moments, were you taking more time for foreplay? Were you having sex in different positions, times of day, or locations? Try to create a situation where you were both turned on in the past and may be turned on now. If you cannot recreate some of the past situations where you were both sexual due to your current commitments, focus on adjusting your daily schedule to make time. Ask your in laws to take the kids for the night, or plan a weekend getaway, just the two of you.

Though it may not be exactly how it was in the past, you can still create moments now where you both are in the mood. Turn off any distractions. Agree to charge your cellphones on the kitchen counter and leave your laptops in the living room. Reclaim your bedroom for the two of you to be intimate together, rather than text messaging or email. Eliminate distractions that may be coming between you and your partner, especially in the bedroom.

Experiment with novelty. Boredom is one of the major causes of sexual issues between married couples, especially when you both tend to fall into a routine or the usual go to positions in the bedroom. Sexy lingerie can also be a simple, but effective way to surprise your partner.

You both may be interested in certain kinds of touching, different sexual positions, or integrating sex toys into your sexual routine.

Look up positions or toys online, or go to a sex shop together and have fun browsing. Keep the experimentation fun and light. Be open about your preferences. Rather than be embarrassed by your sexual desires, focus on being open and honest about what you prefer.

Show, rather than tell. It can be difficult to put into words the things that turn you on. Chances are, it will be clear very quickly what turns you on, and your spouse will be able to follow your lead. Be generous towards your spouse and focus on pleasing them. Your spouse should then do the same for you.

It will likely stimulate some great discussions and maybe some laughs. Schedule sex dates. Though it may seem formal to schedule in time for sex, this can act as a form of reassurance that you will both make sex a priority. Try scheduling sex dates on a trial basis for six months.

This will help you to organize your time around being intimate, rather than trying to fit intimacy into your schedule. Method 3. Get a medical check up. Schedule an appointment with your family doctor to rule out physical issues that may be causing your sexual issues.

Check if any medications you are taking or any medical conditions you have may be a factor. You may want to ask your doctor about possible remedies if you are experiencing a low sex drive or other sexual issues, such as impotency.