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What lie have I been told about men? And if everyone must take ownership for their own lives and relationships, then what is my responsibility to my man? If women have a deeper need for sexual expression than men, then what does a man need from his most valued relationship?
Society taught me to believe that men just wanted sex and if I wanted love, I had to lure him into it with sex and trick him into loving me. Not only that, but to take the theory out of the park, a man is not only loving, but he is also more loving than a woman. I looked for evidence and I found that the biggest reason men cheat is because they are not satisfied emotionally. Do you know where a woman will die for love? And yet, we have entire militaries built on men who are willing to give the ultimate sacrifice because of their love of their country and family.
There is no reward in dying for a cause but it is an ultimate expression of immense love. To believe a man to be disinterested in love and even incapable of love is a limiting belief and it is keeping both women and men starved for the love and affection that we want.
She might even be condescending or hurtful when he does. Sound familiar? We criticize and demean the other for behaving in a way that resists what society has taught us. And yet, we secretly want to express ourselves completely in exactly these ways. And we need to or we feel unbalanced, frustrated, resentful and isolated. It is acceptable, and even encouraged, for men to go about with lust in their eyes.
They have strip clubs and locker room talk. They can freely share a porn link, lewd jokes and naughty escapades with their friends. Men are taught not to cry, not to be emotional. This is similar to the message given to women, not to act sexual, not to admit to their sexual needs openly as it is a sign of depravity. A man who expresses his emotional side is seen as weak and out of control. As a woman, I can have emotional, bonding, intimate conversations almost anywhere!
I have shared ridiculously personal stories with perfect strangers. You can find women sharing their feelings side by side at the hairdresser, stopped in the middle of the aisle at the grocery store. We have multiple emotional outlets. When women are upset they have a phone full of contacts they could reach out to and often they will reach out to many of them until their emotional needs are met. If we act like a man only wants us for our vagina, then we end up seeing him only as a dick.
She will feel unappreciated and she will resent him. My responsibility in the relationship is to be the kind of woman who he feels safe to unleash his boundless love.
I need to be the caretaker for his heart. We merely think we are and, on occasion, act as if we are. But, by believing in our nobler nature, women have the amazing power to inspire us to live up to it. Currently, it seems we have so many broken relationships. Divorces are part of daily life as are stale, lifeless marriages. Society would tell us that it is the abundance of opportunities for casual sex or the ease of ending a relationship.
But for him to want more from her than just her body, she has to be more for him. She has to challenge him to be more, give more, want more from himself and life.
She needs to inspire him. It is impossible to realize change without taking full responsibility. As a woman though, this left me at a bit of a loss. I love to talk and listen! But I knew it had to be deeper. So, what kind of work does a woman need to do to be the kind of partner who can create the environment and relationship that allows him to express his emotional side with me?
She needs to believe he wants more from her than just sex She needs to believe that he is capable of Great Love She needs to get over her pussy privilege She needs to accept his vulnerability as a sign of his strength and masculinity She needs to create the environment within the relationship for him to safely express his heart.
Believing that a man appreciates so little about us, we end up doing very little to develop and care for everything else we have to offer. And in truth, it is those qualities that a man really needs from us.
It is our loyalty, our thoughtfulness, our patience, our creativity, our self-respect that will inspire him to be better and offer more. A strong man will appreciate authenticity over superficiality. She needs to believe that he is capable of Great Love. A man loves in such a way that he will die for us. We better respect that! She needs to get over her pussy privilege. She needs to strengthen her character, develop integrity and work to make her actions consistent with her words and have it all backed up with a strong belief she is worthy and has much to offer and the right man is worthy and will have much to offer back.
She needs to accept his vulnerability as a sign of his strength and masculinity. She is dismissing his need to express this side, dismissing part of his humanity and emasculating him. We need to create the environment within the relationship for him to safely express his heart. Women do not need the emotional outlet from him the way he needs it from her.
He wants to be strong to the world and wants to share his vulnerabilities and feelings in the security of his loving relationship with his partner.
This is trust to him. It is our job to create that space where he can love us completely and be completely open.